“O God, I have tasted Your goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the triune God, I want to want You; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Your glory, I pray, so that I may know You indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, “Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.” Then give me grace to rise and follow You up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.” (Tozer, The Pursuit of God)
Thirsty for more…
Can I have more? Am I supposed to want more? I thought God satisfied the soul. At least, that’s what I’ve been told.
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Sometimes, when I look up long enough from all that keeps my attention, I’m aware of an ache that I can’t fully describe. Tozer’s words hit me full in the chest sending a wake up call in the middle of my chaotic life. And for a little over a week I’ve tried to sit down and journal my thoughts but am continually derailed by all manner of interruptions – not the least of which has been the ramping up of a full fall schedule of travel and mentoring appointments. I want to get something out, if only to get this off my desk so I apologize for the half baked nature of this post. And now I have to study for this coming Saturday’s meeting. I once again feel like the little man under the avalanche of papers trying to dig out into the light.
One small thought before I close. Francis goes on to quote Piper regarding a critical question for our generation. But I wonder if a better question needs to be asked. Rather than asking if, when we get to heaven and have all the perks of our dream of heaven will we be satisfied if Christ were not there, I think we need to be asking, “Will I love Him today without any felt assurance of His Presence?” That’s where the rubber meets the road in my opinion.
Tags: church
Rev. 3:15 ‘I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either cold or hot! 16 So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I am going to vomit you out of my mouth!
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“As I see it, a lukewarm Christian is an oxymoron; there’s not such thing. To put it plainly, churchgoers who are “lukewarm” are not Christian.” (Chan, Crazy Love, p.83-84) I don’t know about you, I have a hard time going there with Francis. Why would Jesus suggest that those attending church in Laodicea will not get to heaven when those in Ephesus, who lost their first love, will? Even the image of “hot or cold” begs a few questions. Is one good and the other bad? One author agrees with Francis: ”Here Jesus is saying something that no preacher would dare to say if the Lord had not spoken it first; namely, that ice-cold atheists and pagans are preferable to him than lukewarm Christians.” (Krodel, Revelation, p.142)
But what if something else was in mind here? Is it possible Jesus’ words refer to a historical fact regarding the area? To be sure, Jesus does find lukewarm Christianity nauseating but I wonder if more is in view?.
To the north of Laodicea was Hierapolis which had a natural hot spring, that was used for medicinal purposes. To the east was Colossae which had cold, refreshing, pure waters. In contrast to these towns, Laodicea had no permanent supply of good water. While they were able to pipe water from the nearby springs, it would arrive lukewarm and distasteful. I suspect, then, that the metaphor was not meant to relate spiritual fervor to temperature. If that were the case, the Laodiceans would be commended for being spiritually cold – but I doubt Jesus would commend that! Instead, the metaphor condemns Laodicea for not providing spiritual healing (being hot) or spiritual refreshment (being cold) to those around them. It is a condemnation of their lack of works and lack of witness.
It’s more likely they were not providing refreshment for the spiritually weary nor healing for the spiritually sick. Instead they were ineffective and thus distasteful to our Lord. (Johnson, Discipleship on the Edge, p. 119) And besides, why is lukewarmness worse than losing ones first love that Jesus would still allow entrance into his heaven those who love something else more than Him but not allow entrance those who are ‘lukewarm’?
Rather than asking if we are “in or out” of the faith based upon a list someone suggests represents what it means to be lukewarm, maybe we need to examine how we nurture an individualistic faith that makes little enough demands on us but instead undergirds our quest for self-sufficiency so that we too secretly say in our hearts, “I have need of nothing”.
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Are there other clues in the text that Jesus words are not about keeping the lukewarm out of heaven?
Rev. 3:19 All those I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent! 20 Listen! I am standing at the door and knocking! If anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come into his home and share a meal with him, and he with me.
Using the verb tense to translate verse 19, here’s what Jesus tells them (and us): “Keep on having passion (be ernest) and turn around now.” And how is this possible? ”Behold” Jesus says, “I stand at the door and knock…” ”Lukewarmness is fundamentally due to a fact about which we are usually unaware: we have excluded Jesus from one or more areas of life. That is why there is no healing or refreshing.” (Johnson, p.125) We don’t need to make room for Jesus in the closed off places of our heart, all we need do is give him access and he will come in to the mess and make himself at home. There is expulsive power in a new affection… But that’s for another discussion.
Tags: church
Before too much time passes from this past Saturday evening I thought I would raise a few questions for us to ponder as we move forward. 
- At what point during our sharing did you feel most engaged?
- What was happening at that point? Was it something someone said or did?
- Of those who shared, what would you have wanted from the group that we did not offer?
- What did the group offer that you appreciated?
- In the end, did we leave more drawn to God’s love or not? What was most compelling to you – the chapter, video clip or something someone said?
- If something someone said was most gripping to you, what would it be like for you to tell them sometime this week?
By the way, Francis asked us what we cold do to remind each other of God’s love this week. I wonder if it would be more natural and practical to simply speak into each other’s lives of how we saw God in them that night? Just wondering…
Tags: church
“When we play god in our lives, [our union with God is lost] (see Col. 3:3). We become autonomous, self-referenced (self-centered) being who have abandoned the center of our true identity in God. We objectify or identify our self apart from God.” (M. Robert Mulholland, The Deeper Journey, p. 28) I call it Christian atheism. While we may say we believe in God, so often our actions as well as our inner passions betray our verbal assertions. We sometimes act as though God is not just silent but He is not even there. I know I do.
Just this morning Jeanni and I were talking about our staff retreat this summer. We covered all sorts of ground from staff relationships to finances and locations. At one point in the conversation I felt panic (I had just come in from riding my bike full of thoughts about another subject entirely). Abruptly, I said, “I’ve got to get moving or I’ll lose my day.” In the following conversation/tense moments, Jeanni begins telling me stuff I did not wish to hear. I knew she was wrong. I did not tell her she was in my way and if it sounded like it, I was certain I did not mean it. At that moment, I did not want to hear how my words effected her intentional or not – I had an agenda.
When I live out of my false self (the flesh, self-interests, etc.) I’m not all that interested in knowing how my words or actions hurt another. I’m committed to my own well-being. Telling me I hurt you opens me to vulnerability I cannot afford (in my false self). “To the extent our false self guides our life, we fear others”, says Mulholland (The Deeper Journey, p. 32). Our false self is constantly threatened in community. This morning I was playing god and was doing everything I could to protect my fragile false self.
When I talk about “more” in community, what I’m wanting and I believe deep down so does every believer, is a community that knows I sometimes act out of unbelief – that I am sometimes a practicing atheist. I take matters into my own hands. I worry about finances, argue with my wife and sometimes even shame my children. What I don’t want is a place where these acts (motivated out of a false self) either go unaddressed or quickly glossed over with Christian platitude. I don’t want to be patronized as though I don’t know it’s wrong to worry, argue and provoke my children. I want truth not a behavioral fix.
Crabb’s Real Church has some helpful categories at this point.
We need to hear resurrection truth, enter story truth and deeply ponder signpost truth.
Resurrection truth tells me there is hope! Don’t give up. God is not only with me, he is for me and in me. Story truth invites me to be real because all will be well someday. “Resurrection truth tells me there’s hope, but story truth tells me what the hope is and anchors me as I’m real about my doubts.” (Crabb, Real Church, p. 99) Sign post truth lets me know there are no formulas so I can be creative.
Am I hungry for truth? Scriptures tell me I am. But what about the says I can’t see it? When I’m lost in protecting my false self and can’t see my way clear to even care about you, who will step past my ugliness and call me into the truth that I am actually a new self, a true self in Christ? When pouring truth into my soul in dark moments, will there be a relaxed assurance in the power of the gospel when I don’t seem to ‘get it’ right away? Or, will there be an impatient urging or convincing me of something I know in my head but am presently denying in my heart? Just because I don’t always act like it, who will believe my false self is actually a lie and so expend some energy looking for the reality of Christ within me – my true self? Will I be drawn into God’s story in ways were I begin to see it relating to my story only long enough for me to be more captivated with Him? In examining the sign posts of truth, will we step into the mystery of knowing God and allow a growing knowing of HIm guide the way we relate and muck through our clunky tense moments with our spouse, children or friends?
“A hunger for truth will lead to a focus on formation,” says Crabb (Real Church, p. 120). The more we long for truth in the three categories I’ve just mentioned, the more, I believe, we will long to look like Jesus. And when we go to our homes after house church, we will notice a growing passion for Jesus as a result of having been together in community.
There’s more to say here. I’ll close for now. Right now I’m just thinking out loud with no real direction to my thoughts. Hopefully this will stimulate more conversation and thought as we get rolling.
Tags: church, false self
Last night, chatting with the middle schoolers, I decided to simply focus on James 4:13-17. We all agreed that the topic was one none of us wanted to actually discuss. Jared was pretty sure he never thinks about dying and both Jille and Katie agreed that was not very interesting. And since tonight’s subject was on dying, they were all glad I did not go with my first thought on having a craft to make our own coffin or embalm each other.
Our feelings aside, I asked everyone why they thought James would bring up the topic in the first place (introducing why this fit with our study in “Crazy Love” seemed a bit too much for this crowd). The obvious answers rolled out. “Because we might die any minute, we should do as much as possible to make an impact before we die.” “Yeh, we might die. So, we better make sure people know about Jesus!” I did not ask how many actually take their own advice. But I did ask them to prove their answers. Silence. Confused looks. Is this guy for real?
Maybe James had something else in mind. “Right, we are not supposed to make plans without saying, ”If the Lord wills…“” ‘Is that the right answer?’ I asked Noah how he felt about that. He screwed up his face and said, “that feels kinda fake. They could just be words”. I agreed. I seriously doubt James was giving us a formula for humility – ‘saying these words shows you really are humble’. NOT! By now the group was getting quieter and starting to think.
Is it wrong to make plans? If I do make plans and don’t say, ‘if the Lord wills’, am I wrong? Maybe I should stop planning and just sit back and see what God will do (this, of course is an edited version of the cynical comment Noah made; ‘since God has already planned everything it does not matter what we say or do it will happen anyway’. It did, however, open into a brief stint on how God could even exist in the first place. After all, eternity is a long time and our lives are really short in comparison.)
“So guys, if the obvious answers are not very good answers, what do you suppose James is really trying to say here?” Silence.
“You’ve made plans for the weekend. They are already cleared with Mom & Dad. There’s no homework and you can’t wait to get started on this great thing you have in mind. Mom meets you at the door when you come in from school and says, ‘get in the car, we have to go’. You melt down. ‘But Mom, I thought you said…’ ‘I’m suppose to go…’ ‘You promised…! ‘Where are we going? I thought…’ What’s happening here?
“Oh, I know, we are not suppose to get angry!!! 
Right?”
“Or, maybe our anger is showing us something James is trying to tell us.”
Silence. Puzzled looks.
“Doesn’t our anger show us we have an agenda? And when that agenda gets blocked in some way, we are immediately angry because what we want is stopped.”
“Oh, I know, we are not suppose to want anything!”
“Hang with me here. Maybe our anger simply shows us we want what we want and don’t care about what God wants. Maybe James is suggesting that something in our hearts really believes it’s all about us, not Him.”
“But isn’t it wrong to be angry?”
“Let’s first consider what our anger is showing us about ourselves. Our anger, when our plans are blocked, is like pulling a curtain back on what’s happening in our hearts. I’m mad because I’m not getting my way. Now I have an opportunity. For what? An opportunity to confess (1 Jn. 1:9) that something in me is actually not concerned about what the Lord wills.”
At this point, I know I’m over their heads and over budget on time. But getting them out the door while the parents were downstairs talking and praying seemed a bit disruptive so I pressed on. Besides, I hate ending in the middle of a thought…
“So, what did you learn tonight?”
“Eternity is a long time!”
“I can’t remember.”
“It’s not about me.”
“My anger is not the problem. The problem is that I want what I want.”
“I had fun with you guys tonight. Who wants to pray?”
Tags: church, control, observations in life
“I want more. Please!”
The whole room gasps as Oliver Twist timidly walks to the font of the room and asks for more. All eyes are on him. Hopeful, angry, cynical, confused, shocked. Each hiding his (or her) own secret desire.
Quite frankly, I don’t remember much else from that scene. I was not much older than Oliver when I saw the movie yet that scene made an indelible mark on my soul. I wonder why? The question has rolled around in my head on occasion and coming up with no answer I usually set it aside.
So why today? Why did this image pop into my head while thinking about community? Obviously, I want more. But I suspect it has more to do with the eyes of those looking on from around the room. Some were clearly ‘for’ this starving child; some clearly not. Oliver must have known what would happen if he stepped outside the expected norms for his community when asking for more–punishment and shunning. Yet, he did it.
The question that plagues me is whether I would have the courage to do the same. All Oliver wanted was a bit more food; he found the courage and humbly asked for more. No demands. Just desire. A huge risk.
Call me Oliver.
I was recently asked to journal/blog my thoughts about community particularly as they relate to our house church. The intent is to stir up points of dialogue and possibly shake loose equally shared desire. We are just not sure how to get where we think we want to go (and that may not be so clear either) so maybe this can become a helpful forum for us to discern the good that exists and also help shape our desires into something more tangible.
Tags: church, community, spiritual community
My life’s work is supposed to be about people. Like a pastor, I enter people’s lives for a time noticing the contours of their soul, the formation or deformation of Christ within. Somewhere in there I ask questions and make observations eventually challenging and hopefully disrupting their beliefs about God and what He is about in their world. My desire is to draw others into a fuller life in Christ (kind of like what Paul talks about in Eph. 3:19). Individuals and families come to us for a time and we try to go to them as God makes funds available. That energizes me.
What de-energizes me is the administration of our organization and even my own generated stuff. One agency wants a report from my time in Cambodia and Laos. I need to keep track of the stories I hear anyway. Another organization asked that we (my wife and I) provide soul care for their conference… more admin (scheduling flights, planning talks, coordinating events, etc.). And then there is the endless flow of email traffic that can pile up when unaddressed for any length of time. Like the ocean, I dare not turn my back on it too long or I get zapped with something ‘crucial’.
But if I’m going to listen well to people’s stories and enter their lives as the Spirit leads, I need to be listening to the Spirit. And I can’t listen well to the Spirit if I’m too busy. Something has to give. I need to let go of some good things to make room for better things – so that the good things I do, I will do well. It’s not easy. In fact, I don’t know what to jettison. I like it all… Or do I?
Lately I’ve been wondering why I’m having trouble letting go of some things. If it de-energizes me, why do I delve into it and sometimes even create more to do? Am I so ego driven that I secretly believe I’m necessary to a person’s growth and so say “yes” to every request that comes my way? Or is it that I’m too lazy to say “no” and then secretly ‘blame’ my plight on those who seem to keep asking for time? As a supported missionary, I confess I feel the pressure (mostly internal but present in many conversations nonetheless) to make the church’s investment in me worth it. Yet, I wonder if by giving in to the pressure I’m also setting in motion my own demise? Is my work truly of the Spirit when I don’t even have time to talk to Him much less listen? That’s a sobering thought!
We had a supporter hear us talk about the necessity of prayer and our growing belief that time with God in prayer was more strategic than a well planned event or sermon. He dropped his $200 per month saying, “I don’t pay you to pray”. That hurt. The voices inside my head scolded me for talking openly about my growing convictions. But why should time in prayer be considered a bad thing? If we are merely entering the work God has already started, doesn’t it seem right for us to get clear on what He’s up to so as to better join the fun and not get in the way? I think that takes a bit of time; maybe even more time than I think I have at the moment.
And then there’s the still small voice whispering, “Apart from me, you can do nothing…”
If you’ll excuse me, I have a prior commitment. I’ll talk to you a little later.
The Light of the Gospel is greatly needed to break into this desperately dark place….. Don’t let the tourist travel brochures fool you….
Symbolism and beliefs behind Thai blood protest
When Thai red-shirt opposition protesters spilled their own blood at key locations in Bangkok, they were not just making a show for the TV cameras, as the BBC’s Vaudine England has been finding out.
Many Thais and Westerners were revolted by the spectacle and worried by the hygiene implications of the recent blood-spilling on Bangkok’s streets. Some denounced the sheer wastefulness of a precious resource which could have been used to help the sick. But red-shirt leaders said the blood spilling was a sacrifice for democracy and a curse on the government. In the battle for Thailand’s political soul – played out over several years by “yellow” and “red” waves of protesters – symbolism is probably the most important weapon. A powerful belief in astrology and the supernatural (‘saiyasat’) co-exists alongside an increasingly commercial, globalised culture. This is not just a frame of mind found in far-flung rural areas. Many of the country’s top leaders, civilian and military, have actively participated in magical rituals to seek special powers and enlist them on their side.
Harnessing spirits
A leading historian of Thailand, Chris Baker, and top economist and political analyst Pasuk Phongpaichit, have produced a paper entitled “The Spirits, the Stars, and Thai politics”.
It outlines several instances of serious consultation by leading political figures – from former prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra to the generals who led the coup against him in 2006 – with astrologers, spirit mediums and supernatural forces. It details events such as damage to specific shrines and the smashing of a statue at the famous Erawan shrine in central Bangkok as efforts to either harness or distract spiritual forces at times of political tension.
“Of course this is not new; but there does seem to be a definite correlation between periods of military rule and upsurges of interest in supernatural influences on Thai politics,” the authors wrote.
One of the key complaints among red-shirt protesters against the current government of Prime Minister Abhisit Vejajjiva is that the military was hand-maiden to its formation, and the military is what keeps Mr Abhisit in power. His retreat to the headquarters of the 11th Infantry battalion all this week while red-shirts protested may only have reinforced this point.
A stroll through red-shirt territory in Bangkok, where thousands of protesters are still camped out, shows most men wearing many large amulets (this is shown in the lead photo of the previous post)- considered a force of special protection at any time, but particularly in risky situations. More dramatically, analysts recall the incident of October 2008 when a group of women supporting the red-shirts’ rivals, the yellow-shirted Peoples’ Alliance for Democracy (PAD), offered up their sanitary napkins around the equestrian statue of King Rama V.
The PAD leader Sondhi Limthongkul explained this was to counter attempts to sabotage the power of the statue to protect the nation – harnessing the perceived negative cosmic force of female blood to counteract, or un-do, the allegedly evil acts of others. ”For many years past, the powers of many sacred things… have been suppressed by evil people using magic,” Mr Sondhi wrote at the time. ”I must thank the women of the PAD because they took sanitary napkins from menstruating women and placed them on the six points (around the statue). ”Experts said that the spirit adepts were furious because their magic was rendered ineffective.” He cited symbolic centres of nationhood as being under threat – and appeared to believe that blood had helped to fend off the danger.
‘Black magic’
Cosmically therefore, when the leaders of the red-shirted United Front for Democracy against Dictatorship (UDD) created ceremonies to spill blood at the entrances to the seat of government, it was intended as a powerful curse.
It could also be seen as an act to counter the perceived illegitimacy of that government – and Mr Abhisit who leads it – when the blood was spilled outside his home. That is not how the government chose to see it, of course. ”The world sees some people in Thailand as believers in black magic and as uncivilised,” said Deputy Prime Minister Suthep Thaugsuban, who is in charge of national security. ”Blood is a symbol of violence and hurling it at the house is saddening. The prime minister is speechless over this incident,” a minister in the prime minister’s office, Satit Wongnhongtaey, told reporters.
But just as the red rallies were kicking off at the beginning of the week, one local paper chose to give most of its page two over to a feature about a veteran policeman proudly showing off his collection of amulets and the supernatural forces he calls into play to help solve crimes. Days of the week are associated with particular colours, certain numbers are significant and layers of symbolism abound. One red-shirt protester told the BBC he felt his donation of blood was akin to forging a bond of blood brotherhood with fellow protesters as ancient warriors have done. But the point of politicians employing certain rituals, Drs Pasuk and Baker say, is to harness and accumulate power. ”The ability to influence events through supernatural forces is a form of power.”
** We need your prayer… as do the people of Thailand and the ambassadors of the Kingdom of Heaven.
This is real human blood… Protesters are giving pints by the thousands….
These protesters are covering the prime minister’s house and various other government buildings with blood to symbolize what they believe the gov’t has done to them through corruption. But there’s more… Using voodoo style cursing they are also attempting to manipulate Supernatural powers for success in this new attempt to topple the current military govt.
Straight out of the pages of pagan animism, complete with black magic occult ceremonies, curses and incantations, this illustrates the worldview in which we live and shine the light of Jesus Christ.
And now they are here in Chiang Mai also…. As of yesterday.
Presently, these protests have not affected daily living for us or those for whom we provide soul care. However, the spiritual battle is real and is taking a quiet toll on everyone. Please pray for us as we encourage Christ’s church here in Thailand and as we are careful not to take political sides but simply live and work to see Christ formed in others.
Christianity has to be disappointing, precisely because it is not a mechanism for accomplishing all our human ambitions and aspirations; it is a mechanism for subjecting all things to the will of God.
Simon Tugwell
Tags: ambition, christianity, disappointment
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