More should be said, but for now, the question in my mind is simply this, “How do we develop resiliency?” Abraham is the first story that comes to mind (See Gen. 22:1, 12) followed quickly by James’ thoughts of trials (Jms. 1: 2-8).

Lately Christian has been struggling with the fact that life requires work if we are going to gain the desired results. For example, this year he did not bring home any blue ribbons from his swim meets. Instead, he brought home reminders of the amount of work he actually put into the event. Similar things are happening with school work. Study rewards with better grades while the lack of study has it’s opposite reward. These are difficult lessons to learn when really all one wants is a place to play and some friends to do it with! But the ambivalence he feels is real and deep. He may only wish to play instead of swim extra laps or study a bit longer but nor does he wish to lose or receive low grades.

Apparently, resilience can only be developed in the fire. Jesus tells us as much in Mark 9:49 – at some point or another, we all will face fiery moments, trials designed to test our mettle. Yet, this path is neither straight nor pleasant in most cases. We can bet the path to perseverance and resilience will be marked by pain and uncertainty (and always goodness and mercy).

Here’s what the author concludes:

Resiliency includes three core parts which can be described in terms of the New Testament metaphor of salt.

1. Perseverance—inner strength to not give up and to benefit from hardship. Having salt in yourselves—Mark 9:50
2. People—social support from/as encouraging role models and true friends. Relating graciously with salt—Colossians 4:6
3. Purpose—strong sense of meaning in life and/or strong belief in God’s goodness. Being the salt of the earth—Matthew 5:13

More should be said here but I’ll leave this for now. If you wish to explore Kelly’s thoughts on the subject, click here.

I found this on the Missional Church Network blog I thought worth posting after my brief thoughts on spiritual friendship.  This is by Georges Boujakly.

“A couple of years ago I attended a week-long retreat called a 5-Day Spiritual Academy. This particular retreat was a ministry of Upper Room Ministries and was held in Wichita at the Catholic Life Center. After the retreat I completed a writing project and received credit for a course in doctoral work I was doing at the time. (They have a two year Spiritual Academy in case you are interested in training in spiritual friendship.)

From that experience I became more aware than ever before for my need of a spiritual director. I asked one of the leaders of the retreat and he recommended a spiritual director where I live. I see this person monthly and am thankful for the help I receive. I now return the favor to several people.

Spiritual friendship has gained more ground among evangelicals of late. It’s not that it was not happening before; it just was not the norm. It is still far from being the norm but I am convinced it is heading in that direction.

Another way of speaking of spiritual friendship is to use the term spiritual direction (considered a Catholic term by many). We in the evangelical camp are reluctant to speak in terms of spiritual direction because, among many other reasons, we fear giving any one person that much authority in our lives.

Therefore, some are more comfortable with the term spiritual friendship where we receive and give some direction for the spiritual life. One drawback to this terminology is it tends to be more of an accountability (This is beneficial but it’s not the point of spiritual friendship) session than listening to the voice of God in the life of another. My contention is that there are gifted people in the body of Christ who are especially called to listen to what God is doing in the lives of others and input significant direction for the future. “Why?” I can imagine someone asking. “Why can’t I listen to my own life and give my own direction to my own life?” Short answer: Spiritual growth in the Christian way is a communal project.

So when do I need a spiritual friend most? And why?

 

• When I realize that I am but one person and I have limits. Do I hear an Amen? All kinds of limits: Physical, intellectual, spiritual. Although I know a lot about theology, I can’t make sense of all the tragedies of life. Another’s perspective is priceless.
• Although I may consider myself in shape spiritually there are times when I experience fatigue.
• Although I may be fit spiritually, I need help to get to the next level where I have never been with the help of one who has.
• Although I can see progress in my spiritual life, I can get stuck spiritually and need help getting unstuck.
• I have at times prayed to a prayer proof ceiling and needed help to get beyond it. When prayer seems like an unbearable chore and a royal waste of time, I need a spiritual friend.
• I have had times when my eyes could not see but ink on the pages of my Bible. Ink without life is darkness. Another’s light can do wonders.
• I have had the spiritual wind knocked out of me when I was running full stride in faithful service to God and others.
• When the promises of God seem too future and too heavenly to be any earthly good.
• When the connection is unplugged I wonder if someone with broad band fiber optic spirituality might help to reconnect me.

Enter spiritual friendship.

Finally, here are a few assumptions about spiritual friendship.

First: Spiritual friendship should be sought by everyone since it is a character trait of God. He is the friend of Abraham, David, the disciples, the sinner. Friendship has a divine address before an earthly one.

Second: Spiritual friendship assumes that the Spirit of God resides in my spiritual friend.

Third: Openness is characteristic of God and openness is the bedrock of spiritual friendship. Jesus, the Son of God, is called the Word of God. My preferred way of understanding this concept of the Word is Revealer. He opens up God to us. He opens the heart of God to us. A spiritual friend helps open our heart to God.

Fourth: I assume my spiritual friend is as flawed as I am but have sufficient humility that God uses broken eikons.

What then is the end of spiritual friendship? Growth into the likeness of Jesus Christ. Spiritual friends help us remain on the path of spiritual growth.

Spiritual friendship cannot stop at unburdening ourselves from sin. It must direct us toward godliness. In a spiritual friendship relationship, the object is not to dump all that has been happening in my life since the last time I talked with my friend. Rather, if my friend has been listening carefully to the movement of the Holy Spirit within and with me, he or she will understand better what I am going through and be able to suggest a path for growth.”

 
]]> http://daves.meintl.org/2009/03/04/spiritual-friendship-follow-up/feed/ 0 http://daves.meintl.org/2009/02/16/thoughts-from-a-retiring-pastor/ http://daves.meintl.org/2009/02/16/thoughts-from-a-retiring-pastor/#comments Mon, 16 Feb 2009 01:43:54 +0000 Dave http://daves.meintl.org/?p=133 A congregational conversation already in progress… One Sunday morning… After this pastor had resigned…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

By now you know my thoughts on the importance of identifying our “red dot”. It helps us know our starting point in order to know where we are going and how we plan to get there. Here at [our church] the sum of the many red dots in our midst may not be adding up to a very bright picture for some. Some still have questions, many are struggling and some are confused by the events and emotions floating around that show themselves in congregational meetings.

However, we all have some things in common. We have been saved and sanctified by grace. And we all have a desire for [this congregation] to be a fruitful, pure, passionate church for the Lord.

Some things could hinder our movement as a body while we face this time of transition. Mind you, [this body] has the feel of a church always in transition simply because of the nature of being an International Church. Let me explain:

The first thing that could hinder forward movement in our body is a misunderstanding of the purpose and nature of conflict. James 4 gives us a very clear picture of where conflict comes from.

James 4:1 (TMG) “Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. 2 You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.”

“You wouldn’t think of just asking God for it, would you? 3 And why not? Because you know you’d be asking for what you have no right to. You’re spoiled children, each wanting your own way.”

Hard words for sure yet, necessary for us to hear and take to heart. Conflict comes because we want our own way. And we are willing to “kill” to get it. One translation says it this way, “You bite and devour” one another to have your own way. James is calling us murderous cannibals when we get into quarrels and fights with one another. Ouch!

But if we keep reading the passage we discover that the only “cure” to this dilemma is for us to submit to God, resist the devil, purify ourselves, repent (grieve, mourn and wail), and humble ourselves before the Lord.

The second thing that will hinder forward movement for us is a misunderstanding of what God is doing here.

[We are] in an identity crisis. We are morphing from one local body into two. We are less localized and becoming more international. Our elders are knee deep in redefining how we are governed and how to be strategic in who we are and how we relate to the world.

Is it possible God is disrupting us with events that feel like earthquake tremors to make us look more like His Son? Is it possible that all our activity is more about keeping ourselves insulated from the feelings that come with being off balance in order to maintain a modicum of safety? (Safety -sticking with forms and systems we know and understand)

Finally, if we do not understand who [this congregation] is and where it is going we will never truly emerge from this transition with a sense of wholeness.

Are we willing to assume responsibility to talk with our leaders one on one and in small groups? Are we willing to put our hands to work thinking hard and praying hard so that we can grow and come to know who we are and what we are about? Each member must begin to take responsibility for the health of [this body]. Without you and me we will never grow up as a body.

These are tough times. In tough times we cannot afford to deviate from the process set out in scripture.

1. Matt. 5:23 – If you realize someone has something against you, go and be reconciled before you continue in your service and sacrifice to the Lord. In Matt. 18:16-17 we are told that if someone sins against us we are to go to them. In both cases, we are responsible to go and set things right. Whether someone has something against us or we have something against them. We go. And in the case of Matthew 5, our worship is less important than making things right with a brother (or sister) in the Lord.

2. Psalm 139:23-24 speaks of regular self-examination. Are we asking God to search our heart and show us any wicked way in us? We know it is there because none of us is sinless. So why do we resist this necessary reflection in our lives? Do we not believe that once sin is recognized and ‘confessed’ there is no forgiveness? I hope not. Frankly, we have nothing to lose here but everything to gain in self-reflection.

3. Romans 12 tells us how to treat one another.

a. We present ourselves to God

b. We think accurately about ourselves

c. We assume ownership of one another

d. We care for one another gently, generously and diligently

e. We honor each other

4. In relationships where there is long time hurt we:

a. Take each other at face value and stop acting as if we can see into each other’s heart.

b. We forgive 70×7

c. We entrust ourselves and the situation into God’s hands

d. And always remember, man may devise his steps but God directs the way.

5. We must walk with each other so that we remain current in our accountability, working things through as they happen. We must also walk with one another to better know each other and avert misunderstandings. And we must pray for one another more passionately.

At any rate, still operating on the schedule I had been provided some time ago, I showed up for various meetings until one day I get an apologetic call asking if they can change their time slot with me since it conflicted with other meetings. Confused, I inquired about the conflict since I was told the time slots given were free and clear. Well, apparently, the schedule changed without my knowledge. Now my time with people conflicted with hearing Michael Card talk through the book of John. Gee, Dave Shepherd or Michael Card…? Michael Card or Dave Shepherd…? “Do you mind if we find another time slot to meet…? I’d really like to hear Michael!” … So would I!

The following morning another cancellation call comes… “Do you mind if I sit in on Joe Stowell’s devotions instead of meeting with you?”

Joe Stowell’s in town too!!!? Save me a seat.

I couldn’t help feeling a bit odd and marginalized as I wandered the halls of the hotel looking for the people I’m to visit since the whole schedule and meeting places had changed without me. “They want to listen to Michael and Joe…not me…” What’s wrong with this picture?

For some reason, God nudged a friend to bring up 2 Cor. 12 in our men’s study that particular night. We were really talking about how to pray relationally instead of treating God like Santa Claus. But this guy felt Paul’s discussion on boasting in weakness was relevant to the topic at hand. I didn’t. It felt too close to the wounds I was nursing that evening.

“My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”

Really!? Even when marginalized and displaced? How could Paul be “glad”, stop focusing on the thorn and instead appreciate it as gift? (see 2 Cor. 12:7-10 in the Message) Somehow, the weakness makes way for the power of God.

(v. 10) “Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

Later that evening, or maybe the next morning as I fought traffic to see if I needed to make another surprise schedule adjustment for the day, another passage occurred to me. Joe and Michael may get to plant the seed while I’m suppose to water and till the soil, but God makes it grow (for a tighter translation and/or paraphrase of this passage see 1 Cor. 3:6-7 in any version you prefer).

I’m not boasting yet… But I am grateful He even let’s me tend the soil of a few good souls. And, He even used the sower to stir life in me.

NOTE: To hear Michael Card teach through the book of John click here.

I love Jeremiah’s integrity.  He actually records God’s response to his complaining–I doubt I would.  Here’s what God says: v. 19

“If you repent, I will restore you
that you may serve me;
if you utter worthy, not worthless, words,
you will be my spokesman.

No compassion for the man’s pain, no hint of exploring what Jer is really feeling; simply, “repent”.

I know what you are thinking (you know that’s just a phrase people say, including me), “So, does God not want to hear our struggles?”  “Was He put off by Jeremiah’s honest complaint/lament?”

The story get more interesting…  In chapter 20, Jeremiah actually uses harsher language this time.  In v. 7 he suggests that God bound him and forced Himself upon Jeremiah (you will not find that in your English Bible, but that’s what it says in the Hebrew).  Did Jer actually accuse God of rape?  Certainly sounds like it.  The story goes on and ends with no mention of God telling Jeremiah to repent.  I wonder why?

Well without getting too long winded here, I think the answer lies in 15:19b.  Notice the rest of the verse,

“Let this people turn to you,
but you must not turn to them.”

This phrase is a Hebrew idiom that is basically saying, “these people need to adopt your world view, you must not adopt theirs.”  So, what’s the people’s world view?  Simply put, they believed “they did not deserve what they were getting”.  You see, in ch. 3 the people actually repent.  Yet, God continues to speak judgment into their lives.  Even Jeremiah is a bit taken back ’cause in ch. 4 he tells God that He deceived the people to think peace would come if they repented.

So, now in ch. 15, Jeremiah joins the chorus.  I’m doing what you asked and my life is no better off.  In essence, “God, you owe me…”  “Repent and I will take you back Jeremiah.  Let these people adopt your world view you must not adopt theirs.”

Ouch!  God might as well been speaking directly to me.  So often my prayers are more about obligating God to me in my subtle ways of outlining all I do for Him…so, please come through for me…for your glory…but really my comfort.

My understanding of a sacramental life is one that sees the relational dynamics of life with God moment by moment (do all to God’s glory).  Maybe you have read Brother Lawrence’s “The Practice of the Presence of God” or “The Sacrament of the Present Moment” by De Caussade.  These two fine works put words to our moment by moment life in God–practicing the Presence of God is, in essence, living sacramentally and vise-versa.

So, how do I experience and practice God’s presence in my family life?  Personally, I think it all revolves around entering the moments God gives us–like: getting on the trampoline with my kids, tickling before bed, looking them straight in the eyes when we talk, listening with interest to their fantasies about becoming the next super hero, helping in the kitchen when I’d rather be a couch potatoe…  Well, you get where I’m going.  And underneath all this chatter and splash of life is constant prayer…for their well-being, for wisdom in what to say next, that our kids will grow to love God more and more and of gratitude that He even bothered to give these precious lives for us to shape.

It means I need to listen more.  Listen for His heart in theirs and mine.  God give me ears to hear and eyes to see…